


A Fall From Faith

by mysterytheseahorse



Category: IT, IT (2017), IT by Stephen King, stenbrough - Fandom
Genre: God - Freeform, High School, Judaism, Losing Religion, M/M, Prayer, Religion, Richie Tozier - Freeform, fall from faith, reform judaism, slightly aged up characters, yahweh - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 13:33:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13295937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysterytheseahorse/pseuds/mysterytheseahorse
Summary: Bill is acutely aware of how, after years of habitually craning his head out of his own window at 9:15 to watch the moonlight reflect off Stan’s barely-moving lips, Stan stops cracking open his window to pray every night.





	A Fall From Faith

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Testing Faith](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/349317) by 1990sstan. 



> the concept for this is entirely created by 1990sstan on tumblr!! also i am not jewish and i have no affiliation with judiasm, so if anything here is incorrect, i'm sorry and please correct me. i tried to do as much research as i could.
> 
> translated hebrew phrases are in the end notes!!

Bill knew nothing beyond the bare basics of Judaism, and what he did know from Stan was skewed from Bill's five years in Catholic elementary and middle school religion classes. He knew most of the names for God, and when he ate dinner at Stan's apartment right above his, he knew to let Mr. Uris pour water over his hands and when to bow his neck for the blessing. The only full prayer he could speak fluently in the synagogue was _baruch atah adonia eloheinu melekh ha'olam_ , and every time he says it, Stan's cheeks sting from how broadly his prideful smile beams. He could pick out a select few Hebrew words and phrases from Stan's prayers, and Stan also taught Bill all of the Hebrew swear words he knew –now the boys whisper _lech tizdayen_ to each other and giggle during class, causing Eddie and Ben to whip their heads in their direction and try to look grumpy without laughing along with them. Even with Bill's extensive knowledge of Stan's religion, he could never decipher what he was saying during his nightly Hebrew prayers.

Every evening at 9:15, Stan forces open the cedar wood window in his bedroom with his thin arms and kneels to pray. Even is he wasn't at home, Stan excused himself from whatever he was busy with to speak a quiet prayer to his Lord. Bill remembers vividly the night when Stan had crept into his window to kiss him, and between the minutes of 9:14 and 9:16, with Bill's mouth on his neck below his ear and his long fingers curled into Bill's pajama shirt, Stan caught a glimpse of the time on Bill's clock. His eyes widened, and he pushed Bill away from his body, not before Bill stole another kiss on Stan's chin. “I gotta...” Stan breathed, jerking his thumb in the direction of Bill's window.

“G-g-go ahead,” Bill answered with a loving smile that split his face from ear to ear. He watched Stan pry open the window, kneel before it with his hands folded, and softly speak to Jehovah.

 

Of course he would never know, but Stan's most frequent prayer topic, right above Stan's mother and father, birds, the members of the Loser's Club, his grades, he whatever else he deemed important, was Bill Denbrough.

Head tipped up to the stars, eyelids drooped down to the earth, and pink lips barely moving as he whispers his dedication and requests to Yahweh, Stanley doesn't see Bill craning his head out of his own window partly to attempt to translate what he's saying, but to mostly watch the white moonlight reflect off his face. Deep shadows formed around Stan's eyes, and the blue-green wash of the streetlight several feet below their windows painted his face in a watercolor stain. Bill doesn't know the exact words Stan is saying, or really any of the words for that matter, but the deliberateness and vindication with which his gentle voice murmured demanded attention and respect from whatever entity was listening to him.

 

When Bill notices the absence of Stan's kippah at the beginning of freshman year after Christmas break, he doesn't say anything about it –unlike Richie, who blurted on the first day back to school: “Stan the Man! Where's the little hat, buddy? Your hair looks fuckin' funny in the back.” Stan laughed and shook his head, but Bill watched him stare at the floor while they walked to first period.

Stan's prayers also started falling flat at this point in the year. Bill listened to his words, and even if he didn't know their meaning, he knew Stan was pausing for too many seconds between the phrases for them to be entirely sincere. Stan was beginning to speak for only a few minutes each evening, and even at that, most of the time was occupied by silence or nervous stuttering. By the end of the month, Stan's prayers were beginning to sound like Bill trying to present a school paper.

The first night Stan skipped his prayers, Bill was in his room. They were meant to be working on a biology project, but after thirty minutes, they'd taken to playing Stan's Nintendo instead. Stan was running his hands up and down Bill's spine underneath his tee shirt when he noticed that the time was 9:15. He kept his eyes fixed on the clock for a few long moments, working his lip between his incisors. Bill interrupted his fixation by exclaiming, “Shit!”

" _Harah_ ," Stan laughed as the words YOU DIED passed across the screen. Bill tried to pass the console to Stan, but Stan shook his head and left it in Bill's hands. Bill shrugged and clicked PLAY AGAIN. Stan watched as the minutes passed on the clock, every time the number on the minute hand went up feeling more anxious and at the same time liberated.

Two and a half weeks passed of Stan ignoring the nightly ritual he'd followed diligently since he knew how to pray on his own, two and a half weeks of his parents whispering in the kitchen after he'd gone to school about how they though they'd failed him as teachers, two and a half weeks of Bill lying in bed trying to remember what Stan's Hebrew words had sounded like.

 

In the second week of March, Bill was building a Star Wars Lego set when he heard the familiar sound of Stan's cedar wood window being forced open. Bill sat with his back against the wall with his window right above his head, waiting through Stan's long, deep breaths for him to say something.

Stan swallowed a thick lump in his throat. He croaked, “ _Azreini_.” His weary head fell into his hands, and he began to sob. Deep, heavy sobs shook his frail frame as fat drops of saltwater dripped from the cracks between his fingers. He dug his fingernails into his scalp, driving the heels of his hands into his eyes. Stretching his trembling arms up above his head, Stan sucked in a dry gulp of air that filled his lungs and somewhat purified his thoughts.

Bill heard perfectly the next words Stan spoke, in clear English: “Please, God, help me.”

**Author's Note:**

> translated hebrew!
> 
> Baruch atah adonia eloheinu melekh ha'olam -Blessed are you, Lord our God, King of the universe  
> Lech tizdayen -Go fuck yourself  
> harah -shit  
> Azreini -Help me


End file.
